Beauty In the Mess Hall

Just imagine for a sec.

The world has it’s next unimaginable tragedy on it’s hands.

50,000 people are dead. A country RUINED. Broken hearts and lives that are changed forever.

And with 50-gigatons of ferocity, the Human Condition rallies in record numbers, FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, to do what it can to help.

To give.

Humans to love other humans.

To feel and believe that a single person can make someone else's life better just because they have lived.

The world is such a very good place.

We rally for each other when we should.

Lessons daily.

I am very hope-filled for today.

The "Love of My Life" Syndrome

I'm not sure about anyone else, but I ALWAYS fall for this one. ALWAYS.

Deeply guarded under the reaction, the silly and the angry and the mean and the emotional and the inspiring and the clever and the quiet is… my HEART.

No one gets it. FIVE have. In TWENTY-NINE YEARS. Five girlfriends.

All of them, and I mean ALL of them, have been beautiful people that were very deserving of me givin it to them. Better humans than me probably.

But in each, for their own personal, and different reasons, they have come to a close.

And I get myself into a very BAD POSITION, because of this syndrome. The “Love of my Life” syndrome.

I’ve called them all the “Love of my Life” because at the time, I really believed it in my guts. And then used that against myself to stay even when it was over or never gonna work. And run most of them into the ground.

I REALLY am a “romantic”, and when I feel that powerful sense of, “sheesh, this woman is the love of my life” it rattles my core.

The PROBLEM is that I allow it to blind me into believing in the unbelievable. Clouds my judgement and MOST brutally I quit listening to my own intuition.

Beauty and the Beast.

Which also happens to be my favorite Disney movie.

And like everything, the truth is always somewhere in the middle of these two.

There's a point....

to the upcoming narcissism. I promise.

I went to Joshua Tree for Thanksgiving. I'd make the trip here anytime of year.

Because it's a beautiful place. Magical.

And I like beautiful things. And Harry Potter.

When I arrived, I was feeling exhausted by the coagulation of the year. Nothin bad, just feelin like a frayed rope from grindin around. It didn't help that I arrived in the wee hours of the night. But those are just the symptoms, not the diagnosis.

So anyways..............

I feel invigorated again. Stepped back and separated from the emotion it takes to be able to write everyday. At its core writing is about bein open and vulnerable. It's a lot like when you step on stage for the first time to sing. There's nothin like listenin to somebody sing, and REALLY meaning it.

During my time in the park, I noticed how the Joshua Tree's scattered amid the mountains and valleys resembled people.

It's not that they LOOKED like people or that they were TALKIN to me - just that I found a way to over personify them. They all looked alike, had the same structure and "design" but that there were no two the same.

Joshua Tree's are special. The only place you can find them is in the Mohave desert. They reproduce via stinky seedlings in the Spring. And they're a type of desert Yucca, which means they grow REAL SLOOOOOOOW. But, they can also live for several hundred years.

Made me think of how when you give something the right space and time, you can get some pretty cool results.

I'm amazed by how when someone offers the tiniest belief in me, how far that can actually travel.

You could label the Joshua's as ugly, haggard, unsightly, monstrous trees. Or you could recognize them for the highly "special"ized organism it is.

Call me crazy for communing with the trees, but however you choose to seek him out, god is.

Safe

Over half-way done with my "experiment" and I know that most of my readers are OVER it.